Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Lying

I've had a lot of lying happening to me lately.

Men and friends.

I understand why some people lie to protect their feelings. I get it. I lie too. But I usually only lie to protect romantic feelings because I'm five years old. (Okay, I'm sure I lie to protect friend feelings too.)

Lying is such a stupid thing. You don't have to lie. Just tell me the truth. I may get mad, but wouldn't we rather have honesty in our relationships? Not too much honesty, like "damn, you look ugly in that top."

Maybe people always lie to me, and I just don't know and accept it to be fine in life. 

I especially hate it when people lie to make themselves look better. If you have that much of a problem with who you actually are that you have to lie about it, maybe you should work on yourself a little bit. 

Speaking of, I'm definitely starting therapy tomorrow to work on my relationship issues and my poor communication. I'll get it together somehow. I'll have successful relationships one day. 

Tuesday, July 12, 2016

Saying Yes

Five years ago, I went to a birthday party for someone I went to church with. (I know, but I said it was five years ago.) She moved her party from her house to the clubhouse at her complex because she thought more people were attending than she had planned on.

I wasn't going to go (I hate parties), but I let someone convince me to attend. 

We showed up. There were only about 7 of us there. Nobody else came. I jumped rope in a dress. (Uh, don't do that. It'll float up, and everyone will see your butt.) I felt awful for the hostess/birthday girl. Here she was, trying her hardest to have a good time, upgrading to a bigger venue, and nobody was there.

That was the moment I decided I'd say "yes" more in my life and accept almost every invitation to do things. I don't want people to try to plan things for everyone and not succeed. 

Most of the time, I really regret saying yes. I'll want to stay home and do nothing. (I've recently started reading the Magicians series by Lev Grossman, and I want to read it all the time. I finished it yesterday though. Now I have to find time to watch the TV show!) I want to lie on my couch and watch Netflix. I want to take solitary walks through Seward Park. I want to sit on my butt and plan the future.

But no. I go. I only say "no" if I have prior plans or if I end up being sick or have a migraine. 

And you know what? I enjoy myself 9.5/10 times. I don't regret being out with people. I don't regret going to see those burlesque shows. I have a lot of damn fun. I fill my life with things and people.

Some people (cough Janice) take advantage of this. She invites me to take Tahitian dance, go try new restaurants, go to Vegas, watch burlesque shows, etc..... And I love her for this. She has enriched my life so much. She gets me off my butt, especially when I'm down. 

So there you go. My social-life strategy for almost five years. My life has improved so much because I almost always have something to do. I've experienced so much and met so many new people. I've traveled to Germany and South Africa because two people offhandedly invited me, and I said I'd go. Yeah, I'll take advantage. But only because I want people to take advantage of me too. Come visit! I have fun!

Someone labeled me as popular a few months ago. I was whining about figuring out what to wear to go out with friends. "Gee, must be tough being popular as an adult." And that still is definitely not true. I just don't turn people down. I actively seek out things to do with friends. I try really hard to keep busy. (See past post on something missing in my life. It's not friends or activities.)

I used to let TV and DVR rule my life. I had 20-30 shows on my DVR that I watched religiously every week. I had no real life at all. And here I am, having barely watched TV since coming back from South Africa. (Other than Game of Thrones, but HOW COULD I NOT WATCH IT WHEN IT'S BEYOND THE BOOKS, AND I'M SO EXCITED ABOUT IT, AND OMG THE TOWER OF JOY AND OMG BENJEN AND OMG JON SNOW AND OMG HODOR. I cried so hard at "hold the door." SO SO HARD.)

This is probably why I go on so many mediocre and bad dates. Because if nothing else, they'll be a damn good story.

Try saying yes. It feels good. I feel like I'm being a better friend as well. These aren't pity yeses. They're genuine "so excited to hang out with you" yeses. And don't back out. Those people are the worst. See how much fun you can have in your life. Mine has definitely improved.

Friday, July 08, 2016

Update on South Africa

Of course I texted him. Do you know me at all?

My car has had his name stuck on it whenever I turned to a certain radio station. It was cracking me up! I took a picture and finally sent it to him. 

"This has been cracking me up. I'm not sure why this has happened, but the Mercedes is stuck on this. I don't know why. It remembers...."

He responded, "you'll never understand the bond we had." 

Me: "you were just a flirtation. It's committed to me."

"I bet it tells all the ladies that." 

Then I got a little bitter: "no, sorry, it doesn't lie."

I sent another text, "ignore me. Let's go back to being non friends. K."

"Ok. I thought you'd be in a better mood because the new backstreet boys album is coming out."



I BUSTED OUT SOME REAL SHIT HERE, GUYS. 

"In order for us to be friends again, we'd have to have an open, honest conversation, and I 1) don't think you're capable of that, 2) don't think I am either, and 3) don't think there's a point to it. Let's acknowledge that our friendship served its purpose, and now it's over. I had a great time with you, and I hope you did too, Ernie. (you know I'm dramatic.)"  (he hates that nickname, so of course I used it.)

He hasn't responded, and I don't think he will.

PART ONE

PART TWO
How Could You Not?! on Facebook
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