Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Being Dramatic for Drama's Sake

I will die alone. I've never been great in the relationship department. I know part of it is because I'm terrible at opening up and letting men in. But the few times I've done that, I've always gotten hurt. 

Multiple men this year have told me what a great person I am and are obviously attracted to me, but they still would never date me. It's a problem I've had my entire life. It doesn't seem to be going away. I still don't understand. What don't I have? What am I missing? Why am I always secret sex? (That's a SATC thing, okay) seriously though. What am I missing that makes it so men don't feel a romantic connection with me. I do not and will never understand. I've lowered my standards (not in an official way, but I've become more attracted to men who don't fit my younger ideal), I've tried online dating, and I've tried meeting men in real life. It just doesn't seem to happen for me. 

That's fine. I'll die alone. 

PS I should've sued for sexual harassment, gotten lots of money, and gone on to travel for a few years. He would've deserved it, no? What's a ruined career, anyway?

Thursday, May 12, 2016

I Don't Haggle

Call me a sucker if you will. I will not try to lower prices with people selling items on the side of the street or in a market. I get that they price it super high, and I'm "being screwed over." But you know what, that $5 dollars I'm lowering it mean absolutely nothing to me. But they could mean so much to the person who's selling it. 

I've been so fortunate in my life to be able to be educated, buy a home, travel around the world, and meet this person selling me a stone elephant, wooden hippo and elephant, and a stone penguin. (Okay they are adorable. My soon-to-be-born niece is getting the hippo.) I can afford five more effing dollars. 

I think all of us traveling can. Don't be cheap to the person selling the item on the side of the road in a second/third-world country. Pay that extra five fucking dollars. 

Or just call me a sucker and be proud that you lowered the price to something more acceptable. Be proud that you're an asshole. 

Saturday, May 07, 2016

Living My Best Life

I'm in Cape Town, South Africa, a place I've wanted to visit for years. (I have a roommate at my house, so please don't come and try to rob me. He never leaves the house.) I just got here yesterday, so all I've done so far is take public transportation, miss my bus stop, drag a 50-pound suitcase up a large hill to get to Bo-Kaap, a very (literally) colorful part of the city, sleep for a few hours, and then go to a braai with my Airbnb hosts. It's nice. And humid. 

Today, I'm going cage diving with great whites. I don't know what I'm doing either. I'm terrified, but it's all about going out of your comfort zone and fully living on vacation, right?

Anyway. I've had a few people tell me lately that I inspire them. It's nice, but it also makes me feel kind of fake. 90% of my life is boring. I go to work, come home, watch some tv or read a book, and go to sleep. I don't do exciting things in my day-to-day life. I worry that I'm only showing the good parts of my life nowadays. I'm all about showing the boring, non-exciting parts of my life. I Instagram pictures of my Hanukkah socks and red vine twistettes, you know?

I am trying to live my best life most of the time, which to me involves coming home from work and going to the gym. It involves multiple nights a month dedicated to friends. It involves a lot of vacations. It involves me not giving tons of shits about what other people think of me. (That's the most liberating feeling.) 

I hope I come across as someone who knows how to balance the boring of her life with the exciting parts. Because most of my life is the boring, regular stuff. I just have the opportunity to go out and do amazing things every so often. I'm not sure the point of this other than "I'm not cool, okay. I'm quite boring."

But I guess if one of my life experiences inspires someone to get out there and live more fully, I can only be happy about it. I want everyone to do what they truly want to do in life: take that step out of who you are and try to become who you want to be. (That was me in 2008 with my first alone trip to Scotland.) So many people nowadays focus on others and their lives, and I think we should try to focus inwardly and fix ourselves first. I can't tell if this is my narcissistic side coming out or what. Oh well. 

You can still follow my "exciting" life on Instagram

PS 2016 has been cray, but it's not something I can openly talk about. Let's just say, men are the worst, and they will lie and manipulate you to try to get what they want. 

PPS I got a new job. No more working with the dramz, I hope.

PPPS I am truly happy. I was reading through my old posts about depression, and I think I've finally gotten to a point in my life where I don't have months of sadness. Winter still hits me hard, but that's not the worst that could happen. 
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