Play Nice

My BFFFFFFFFFF Brittany just started a blog. Go over and welcome her to the blog world! (And be nice. I get very defensive of my friends.)

She's ALMOST a boob nazi. She can be a boob nazi jr. haha.

I honestly love Brittany. She is one of the best friends to have. She also is a great defender. If someone hurts me, she will automatically defend me and go on the offensive. There are many other great things about her, but I need to write my dumb paper right now.

She's great. You'll love her too.

"Why I Love My Husband"

I might've just done one of these 4 months ago. However, people google funny things all the time to get here. I love reading them. I love sharing them. (Why I love my husband was one of them. ha. You won't find that here.)

"hate baby blogs"

And may I just say, amen.

"inability to show affection"

You have come to the right spot, sir.

"BYU boobs"

This is probably one of my favorite ones.

"Boob Nazi" little boys

Umm.... I'm creeped out by this one.

"psychologist" and clients

So is this person posing as a psychologist?

"howcouldyounott.blogspot.com"

Seriously? If you know the url, put it in that handy little box up on the top of your screen and come here directly!

"awkwardly touch someone"

No, I've never done that before..... umm, no.

"big boobed nazi"

I'd just like to clarify: I AM NOT A NAZI. I do not support such things. I do have a German last name, however. But seriously, the Nazis weren't cool. Don't look for ones with big boobs. That's gross.

"Big boobs cooker"

WTF???????? I don't even have a funny quip for this. WHAT?!?!?

"Boobs are no big deal"

DO YOU WANT TO BRAWL??? Seriously. Let's take this outside. Boobs are a big deal. Im the boob nazi for goodness sake. I love my boobs. They are a big deal. You should leave.

"Burberry rain boot. Yay or nay"

YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY

"Can someone record you yelling at a cat outside, call the police, and say you were yelling at the cat. they were inside."

Um, okay.

"Cranial nerve acronym"

Oh oh oh, to touch and feel very good velvet AH!

"free samples apology letter for hurt feelings for sister"

hahahaha if my sister had sent me this, I would've killed her. (We're talking again, btw)

"how not to be uptight"

Wrong place, sir, wrong place.

"moaning apartment eviction"

I don't even know how someone got directed here with that.

"No parking unless you have big boobs"

I fully support this.

"Tasty Christa boobs"

Umm Christa, you better watch out! hahaha

"theboobnazi"

It's three words! But thanks for googling "me"

"why is the time 3am such a creepy time"

It's not?

"sex site: howcouldyounott.blogspot.com"

Nooooo. You've got me all wrong!

"Why are the boob nazi's boobs so big?"

It's called fat. I have lots of it.

"Can I marry the boob nazi?"

Technically, yes, as I'm single. But no, unless you're a tall man who loves me. Then, maybe. haha

Oh Life.

Since August,

1 friend had a baby (Hi, Cassidy)

1 friend got pregnant (I just found out, aka what inspired this post.)

1 friend's baby turned 1 year old

4 friends got engaged (one just this weekend. Hi, Ally.)

1 friend got married

1 friend's wife got pregnant

Is this how life is going to be from now on? It seems like every other day, people are having important life events and creating more families. Doesn't anyone else want to live a little longer before marriage? Then again, if I had met someone I wanted to marry, I would have married him. I guess some of us just last a little longer.

I don't like this "getting older thing." I'm only 24! Shouldn't more friends be single?

This wasn't supposed to be a depressing post. I am honestly happy for my friends. I'm just contemplating where I'm going to be in June and what I'm going to be doing. It's weird. I feel like my life hasn't even really begun yet, and my friends are having children. Even non-Mormon friends from high school are engaged/married/having children. It's just very strange.

And I just ate the nastiest spaghetti sauce I've ever tasted in my entire life. Ew. And then it got all over my computer somehow. And my toes are cold. And I have a huge paper due on Friday. And I have to present again tomorrow in Swallowing. (Not about wet voice and penetration this time though. Darn.) And I'm stressed out. Anybody want to do my research for me? No? Dammit.

Happy Holidays!

Okay. You might all know by now that I had a Jewish grandmother. She was born and raised in Israel. (I feel like I've explained this about four hundred times. I apologize.) Anyway. I celebrate Chanukah and Passover yada yada yada (I've also explained this four hundred times). Okay. The point. People in Utah, I feel, may not exactly be up to snuff on their knowledge of Jewish holidays, which I completely understand. I wouldn't know ANYTHING about Jewish holidays if it weren't for my grandma (and that class I took at BYU). So I've had some fun interactions with people while searching for Jewish holiday stuff here in Utah. In honor of Chanukah starting this Friday at sundown, I thought I'd present to you my favorite experiences.

I was looking for a menorah. I asked an employee, "Excuse me, but do you happen to have a menorah?"

She said, "Hmm, I don't know. Let me ask."

She yelled back to the other employee, "This girl here is looking for a Messiah??"

Awesome.

I was buying gelt at See's Candy at the University Mall in Provo. Now, this gelt came in a blue box with a cut out Star of David on it. There were silver Stars of David all over it. The lady rang me up, handed me the receipt, and said,

"Merry Christmas!!"

I said, "And a happy Chanukah to you too!"

We taught Michelle how to say Chanukah with the clearing-your-throat noise. She then stood up after we were done playing the dreidel game, threw out her arms, and said, "Chappy Chanukah," using the throat-clearing noise for the H in happy too. The next night, she and her parents were leaving my parents' house while some guests were still arriving. She yelled out of her car to them, "Chappy Chanukah!" They were slightly confused.

I love my Jewish heritage.

Light a candle on Friday, will you? Or you can all come to my house, light the candle, and eat pizza. (It's tradition in my family to have pizza. I have NO idea why.) I miss my grandma.

Dear Swallowing, I Apologize. Love, The Boob Nazi

I told you once about the most irritating nerve out of all the cranial nerves. It was a terrible question on the swallowing midterm. However, that nerve question was only worth three points. I have to apologize to my swallowing class for saying that was the worst question ever on a test. I'd like to introduce you to the question on my cognitive final that was worth 40 points. Yes, 40% of our entire test that's worth 30% of our grade.

The vagus nerve seems like a joke right now. I literally memorized and regurgitated 5 pages of written information for one question. FIVE PAGES OF INFORMATION. I used acronyms. They were handy. However, I didn't use acronyms to memorize the little information. That stuff, I just knew. It was what we learned all semester. We had to assess patients with dementia and say what kind of therapy we'd give them and their family.

I have never, in my entire life, had to pull so much information out of my brain for one question. Because what you're assessing was the focus of a previous test, that wasn't all that bad (we all got it wrong on the previous test though). But then you have all this random information on therapy, motivation, caregiver education and whatnot. IT WAS FIVE PAGES OF SMALL HANDWRITING. The callus on my right finger that holds pencils/pens pretty much grew back while I wrote that answer. I don't want to go do therapy today. I'm exhausted. I woke up at 6. I studied for almost three hours while pacing around my apartment. It took me an hour to do that stupid test. That's forever in my test-taking world.

But I still skipped up the stairs to my apartment with a smile on my face.

Only a paper, a test, and revisions (on a horribly written and terribly graded report) to go until this semester is done! Tonight, I'm celebrating the end of this final with some friends of mine. One friend, Maggie, actually tried to bring me soup on Saturday when I was studying. It was probably one of the sweetest things someone has offered to do for me. Yay friends. I have a really busy week this week of a researchish paper and doing a lot with friends. Life is good.

My Moods

I've always been moody. I used to think I was bipolar. (I have a bipolar uncle who's kind of insane, and my brother was diagnosed with it when he was younger.) I tend to feel like I can't control my moods, which drives me crazy. I had a conversation with one of my friends in high school about my moodiness. He kept telling me that I could control my moods, and I kept saying that I couldn't.

But. I've been smiling all day today. I'm choosing to be happy. And the funny thing is, I don't have to try too hard. I am happy. I don't get it. Aren't I supposed to be depressed for a while?

I mean, I even have a freaking final tomorrow morning, and I'm still happy. I'm sitting here smiling at my TV screen. (Well, I'm watching Dexter, so of course I'm smiling.)

I'm setting up "GNOs" with a couple of girls from my old ward down in Provo (who I never really talked to when I was in the ward but we're totally friends now) and a blog friend and an old friend of mine. I suggested we go to Cafe Rio and get pork salads. I'm only slightly joking because dayum, I like those salads.

Life isn't too bad. It's weird not talking to someone I saw every day for 3 months (minus a few vacations), but I'm getting through it. With an effing smile, for goodness sake. (And minus almost 10 pounds. Thank you, break up.)

I'm also baking my grandpa's rolls to bring to my final tomorrow morning. I love baking but hate having to eat everything I bake. Baking makes me calm. Baking makes me happy. I am happy. (This is where I'd put a smiley face if I didn't really hate them.)

Princess Pampering Party

I'm happy again. I don't need a private blog. Can you tell how much I hate having a private blog? It never lasts longer than a day. But I'm really okay. Thanks for the comments and whatnot. I left my house today and got ready and cute and stuff. I also wore a new necklace made by my friend Natalya, and it made me happy. (It nestles in my cleavage. It makes me laugh. And it makes me laugh at all the men who are like, "WOAH BOOBS!!!!!!" because their eyes follow the necklace. le sigh.)

Anyway, I decided to post pictures of my and Michelle's princess pampering party. We did our toenails (mine look like Elmos instead of piggies like they were supposed to be), we watched Enchanted and Sleeping Beauty, we put masks on our faces with cucumbers on our eyes, we soaked our feet in a foot bath, we ate our finger sandwiches, pineapple, small cupcakes, and carrots, and we drank pink punch.

We had a great time. Picture evidence:

















Yeah, I'm trying to teach Michelle how to be cool. She says "sup?" now while tilting her head, is a cheerleader like I was, and throws up a peace sign in pictures. She's so cool.

My Thoughts

Sometimes, other people have already found perfect ways of saying the things I'd like to say:

Miranda: "Believe me, I would love to be one of those people who's all; we loved, thank you, you enriched my life, now go and prosper. But I'm much more; we didn't work out, you need to not exist."

Miranda: "I have never been able to be friends with an ex boyfriend. I met those couples who stay friends and I think how? How do they do that?"

Samantha: "I've never been able to be friends with any man. Why would I? Women are for friendships, men are for f***ing."

Carrie: "We keep dresses we'll never wear again, but we throw away our ex boyfriends."

So I've been stuck at my house all day/night trying to write reports for the clinic. Trying is the key word there. I'm almost done with ONE of them.

I forgot to eat again and almost passed out. I had to go lie on the ground for ten minutes until the world stopped spinning. Super fun. So I drank some orange juice. I guess this will kick start my new diet? Better to eat nothing than binge on ice cream, especially when it'd make me sick....

I'm blogging because I'm procrastinating. Way to go me. I'm so glad this semester is almost freaking over.

I want to go back to Scotland. I'm watching Braveheart right now. I love the accents, the redheads (kind of kidding), the landscape, and basically everything about Scotland.

Also, I went to Planned Parenthood this morning to get my birth control since I don't have health insurance anymore. I felt like a teenager who was trying to hide her sexual activity from her mom and dad. I take it because I like not being a raging bitch every month like I've been the past two weeks. Anyway. I felt ghetto. And like a teenage ho. (But really, that place is awesome. $18 for a pack of pills when they cost almost $70 without insurance??? I love being ghetto sometimes.)

Sponsored Links

Since writing my last post, my sponsored links on the top of gmail have been:

www.ReconnectYourRelationship.com - Cure His Fear of Intimacy Overnight Bring Him Close & Make Him

www.ProFlowers.com - Express Your Apology with Flowers Order Now for Extra 15% Off

Funny Quote of the Day - Ogden Nash - "The trouble with a kitten is that when it grows up, it's always a cat." (WTF?)

Okay, there have been other sad breakup websites that came up on the top, but they aren't showing up now. They make me laugh.

Also, "Let's still be friends."

Discuss.

I don't think I have to give you my opinion on that. Those of you who have been reading long enough to know what I do to my friends when we stop being friends should know what I think about that particular statement.

My pride hurts. And when my pride hurts, I'm an extremely mean person. And when I say extremely, I mean it. Whenever I'm sad or upset about anything, it turns to anger. I probably should go back into therapy to learn how to properly deal with emotions. (Ugh, emotions.)

And isn't it funny when you do something to prevent something from happening, and it happens because you did that thing? Yeah. Hilarious.

Those of You with Bets:

You probably won't get your money back.

I told you that you shouldn't have bet on anything.

How about you give me that money? I'll need it to buy dinner for myself now. (This isn't a bitter statement haha. I was trying to put it lightly.)

Correction: Those of you with bets about marriage.