Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Why Does Everyone Suck Nowadays

Hi, I needed to talk about this, so I decided to open my forgotten blog and discuss it, even if it's only with myself.


I hosted a housewarming party in May. (Oh, hi. I bought a house. Sup.) I made real invitations. I sent them in the effing MAIL. I wanted to make sure friends knew this was important to me because it was a REAL LIFE EVENT. Yeah, I had friends who came. (Love them all.) But I also had friends who didn't make the effort or had "things they forgot about." (Yeah, sure, after I told you about this a month in advance. Sure.) And you know what? THAT PISSES ME OFF.

A woman at work had a bachelorette party. I've worked at my facility for four years; however, this woman has worked there for eleven. So many nurses and aides have know her for the eleven years. She and I aren't super close. I'll come into her office and chat, and we text occasionally. I really enjoy her as a person, but we've never hung out outside of work. I know that's not the case. And only one other coworker was there. I drove to Eatonville from Seattle. (Eatonville is near Mount Rainier, aka an hour and a half away from my house.) Bachelorette parties are important. Weddings are important. Nobody else made the effort. Nobody got a babysitter for their kids or discussed carpooling. 

I'm flying down to San Francisco to go to a friend from high school's bachelorette party. Ew, it involves wine. That's true love. I also flew to Germany to visit her in April. That was effing fantastic and so so so so fun.

Is FOMO (fear of missing out) so prevalent nowadays that nobody can commit? Or do people just fucking suck? I had a friend once say to me, "Well, I'm a maybe on that event because something else might come up I'd rather go to." (Spoiler: WE ARE NO LONGER FRIENDS.)

Maybe this is because I'm in Seattle, which is notooooorious for the "Yeah, let's get a drink sometime!" attitude but never actually following through. I have also flaked on stuff. (But 9/10 times I had legit reasons.)

Something I've tried to do is say, "yes" to pretty much any invitation people are throwing at me. (Hint, it's not many.) There is nothing sadder to me than someone putting forth all the energy to plan something and have nobody show up. It upsets me. I sometimes drive to these things thinking, "UGH I'M NOT GOING TO HAVE FUN AND I HATE EVERYTHING." But guess what? I always have fun. I almost never regret going.

What can we do to fix this. Maybe people just don't give a shit, and that'll never change. Maybe they just don't give a shit about me, which isn't unexpected.

I'm not pretending I care about everyone. Let's not get crazy. But my friends mean the world to me, and I can only hope I mean the same to them.

Anyway. This has just been driving me crazy. I may just be bitter because I have no friends. Eh, whateves. Real friends make the effort, and they're worth it. They're just hard to find. (hint hint I'm one of them. Hi. I'm awesome.)

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

You're Just Somebody That I Used to Barely Know

On Friday, I was going to say to a friend, "I hate walking around downtown because I'm always worried about running into someone with whom things ended poorly."

So I ran into tall, dark, and handsome in downtown Seattle that day. He's the guy who told me, "I don't need a guilt trip from someone I barely know," after we'd been hanging out on and off for three months. Him: "Let's go to Belgium next year, TBN!" Me: "Um, what."

Anyway. I wasn't expecting it. He wasn't expecting it. I was with my friend Lindsay, who was visiting from Utah. I spotted him first. He saw me second (after I was no longer looking at him) and gave a visible shake of his entire body. Kind of like, "What the hell? Last person I'd ever expect to see."

I whispered to Lindsay, "That's the guy from last year."

He and I both did the mature adult thing and passed by while pretending we never knew each other. 

Like we have never woken up in each other arms then cuddled while discussing our day ahead. Like I didn't accuse him of stealing my screwdriver and search his toolbox (not a euphemism) for it. Like I never rubbed lotion on his new tattoo. (Wow, that sounds gross typed out.)

Real adult relationships are complicated. And stupid. Then again, he was a total dick at the end, and I think I did the right thing not saying anything. Considering how awkward he was, that would've been the worst. 

Let's think about this new guy (we call him purples) who made me crepes on our second date. That was nice. He freaking sliced zucchini in my kitchen and fried them with bacon. Nobody cooks for me but me. It was sweet. Then he held my hand while cuddling and watching bad TV. That was nice too. OKAY, I LIKE TO BE TOUCHED. THERE. I WILL INITIATE TOUCHING OCCASIONALLY. I DON'T KNOW WHO I AM ANYMORE. But eh, I feel interest waning. I am totally prepared to give up dating for fall/winter. Too much effort. I just want to curl up on my couch with the window open and a breeze coming through. And go to Hawaii at the end of October.

Monday, September 15, 2014

Fauxlationships

I'm pretty sure I'm using fauxlationships to avoid real relationships and happy endings.

What's a fauxlationship? Well, it's when someone who is only in Seattle for a couple days and I go on a couple dates in a couple days, and then he leaves.

I've only done it, what, three times now? But I feel like this is a great way to avoid real connections or the possibility of a real relationship. Way to go, emotionally secure BN.

A couple weekends ago, a guy was in town for the PAX conference. When he got back to LA, he sent me a text saying, "Why do you live so far awaaaaay?" I wanted to reply with, "Because we'd never date if you lived in Seaaattlleee." He wasn't someone I'd ever want to date. He was okay to hang out with for a weekend, but eeeeeh.

But it felt so goooood to hang out with someone three nights in a row. We cuddled. We got food. I met him in dinosaur slippers, a sweatshirt, and leggings.  I know how to seduce the mens, y'all. (I know. I've basically given up with that outfit.) It was really nice having a fauxlationship. And then he's gone, so there goes any chance of my feelings getting hurt. Aren't you glad I analyze myself and my issues so well.

Another German guy was here for a weekend. We only went out once, but he invited me to couchsurf at his apartment. And if you know me, you know I NEVER turn down an invitation to travel somewhere. So hey, Germany in April next year.

One day, I'll start looking for a real relationship. But for now, it's kind of fun to meet somebody and decide to fly out there in 7 months to stay on his couch. I'm young. I'm single. I have nobody to be held accountable to. Let's do this thing.
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