Sunday, September 20, 2009

Sir, I Will NOT Give You Money if You Stare at My Boobs

I wore my new pink dress today. And (yes, I'm going to say it again) I was looking amazingly hot. Can I get some validation from those of you at the baby shower slash anyone else who might have spent the afternoon with me while I was in my dress? I was wearing terribly tall shoes, so what man could not look at a 6 foot blonde in a tight pink dress and hot shoes? (Answer: NONE. THERE IS NO SUCH MAN.) That dress is not low cut, as you can see, but MAN, the girls were molested tonight by eyes. That's why I don't wear high-cut shirts/dresses. Men stare more when they're covered, believe me. I should do a scientific experiment on that... hmmm

Anyway, Ashley and I went to Smith's tonight in downtown Salt Lake. It's a little sketchy, but I used to go there all the time. And on our way to Blockbuster, we were accosted by a man.

(Staring at my chest): Ma'am, can you help me? (Eyes back up to meet my eyes)
Me: Ummm what?
(Staring at my chest again): I'm a Vietnam vet. I (blah blah blah) I was wondering if you could give me some change. (OGLING CHEST EVEN MORE)
Us: Sorry, we don't have change! (I don't carry cash, panhandlers, okay? I WILL NEVER HAVE CASH! WHO CARRIES CASH NOWADAYS????)
(Getting his last look in before we walk away): Okay, thanks.

Seriously, sir???? I WILL NOT GIVE YOU MONEY IF YOU ARE OGLING ME! The girls need their privacy just like anyone else's girls. Just because they happen to be bigger does not give you an invitation to stare openly. Seriously, all men. NOT AN OPEN INVITATION! (Well, it is if I'm wearing a low-cut shirt. Feel free to stare. It's a free-for-all.)

Oh and creepy men in Smith's. If you are scratching your (ahem) balls, WE CAN SEE YOU. It's not like there's a magical block in front of your crotch covering your hands. We can see everything. We look down occasionally. We can see what you're doing! Adjusting yourself also falls under this same category. It is creepy. Please don't scratch or adjust yourself in front of me. (This goes toward all men I have ever known.)

I CAN SEE YOU.

18 comment(s):

Chloe said...

hahahaha. creepy hobo guys and ball scratchers. sounds like an interesting night! i didn't see you tonight, but im sure you looked way gorgeous in that dress! how could you nott?! haha..

Christa said...

I thought you looked stunning in your dress.

The Boob Nazi said...

Thanks, Christa. That's exactly what I needed. I'm glad I "asked" haha.

The Boob Nazi said...

Oh and Chloe, I love you. We need to get together and hang out sometime. I need face-to-face contact with you again! Sometimes, I slightly miss working at Hoyo.... But that's just because of the people.

Sarah said...

It's this kind of story that makes me really miss living downtown!

Chief said...

please reface that by saying, we only look down occasionally because you are constantly playing with your balls

Kristina P. said...

Well, I was ogling your chest. Can you blame him?

annie valentine said...

You looked hot yesterday. There's just no getting around it. That dress made my old pink summer number feel so outdated.

Jo said...

But now I want to see YOU in the dress. It is very pretty.

Wendyburd1 said...

Maybe they looked like comfy pillows and he was tired!!

Jessica G. said...

I was a little intimidated by how fantastically hot you were at the shower. Could you make not wear makeup or maybe have a huge zit on the tip of your nose or something next time we see each other? It would really make me feel a lot better.

Torgersons said...

HAHAHAHA. That's all I have to say.

Mary said...

1. That is a super cute dress.
2. You have huge boobs and guys will stare all day long. I thought you were used to it by now and you loved it.
3. gchat soon!

susan said...

Oh this is so funny! I just love when people have conversations with my boobs. I'm sorry, by "people" I mean MEN. Not that I would trade them, I love my chest, but it's kinda funny watching the eyes struggle in vain to stay away. Or better yet is when there's no struggle at all because they don't even care!

kayla & tyler said...

haha wow!!! i've never understood that. How do men not realize that we know exactly what they are looking at?! their eyes do move and we can see that. What a creep!!!

elesa said...

That dress really is fantastic. Cute clothes are their own punishment.

SO said...

You looked freaking amazing in that dress!

Carol and Wyman said...

It is so true...you cover the boobs, men will stare. (You show cleavage, men will stare, too.) But I have found the worst is turtle necks. It's like a neon sign pointing to my big boobs.

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