Hi. I'm TBN. You might not know much about me. That's okay. (Go read my post 308 things about me. Then you'll know me. Kind of.) Sometimes, I get serious. (I don't very often, but when I do, it's because I passionately care about something.)
What you might not know about me is that I've been in school for speech-language pathology. In 5 months, I will be a full-blown speech therapist. (Okay, not really because I still have a 9-month fellowship, dangit.) I love the English language. I love how the language develops. I love phonology, syntax, morphology, etc. My Bachelor's degree is in English language (aka English linguistics). Anyway. I love what I do.
As a speech therapist, I have worked with developmentally delayed children, MR children/adults, children who just have low cognitive function, etc. I've mentioned before how much I love handicapped individuals. There is so much love in them. They look at you and smile for no reason at all (which typical people may do as well, but it's different). They experience joy over the smallest accomplishments.
I once cried because a handicapped child looked at me with so much pride in his/her eyes because he/she accomplished something. (Yeah, I know. Don't tell people I have feelings, okay?) Things may not come easily to these children, but they try so hard. They want to succeed.
That being said, I'm just going to state this once. (Well, I kind of said it in yesterday's post. Whatever)
Please. Stop calling people "retards" or "retarded." It's offensive. People who have disabilities want to be accepted, just like you and me. Using the "r" word perpetuates negative stereotypes and mocks the person you're saying it about and disabled/handicapped people.
I've used it myself when I was younger. I wasn't always culturally sensitive (and I'm still not, as evidenced by my use of a racial slur that Chappelle uses to be funny). I'm ashamed. But I don't use it now. When I hear that word, I imagine someone using it to make fun of B, my nephew, and that is not okay.
So let's stop and spread awareness of this, okay?
So let's stop and spread awareness of this, okay?
For more information, go here.
(Also, I could go into not saying, "That's so gay," meaning "That's so stupid," but that's a whole other post.)
(Also, I could go into not saying, "That's so gay," meaning "That's so stupid," but that's a whole other post.)
49 comment(s):
I'm right there with you. It's really sad that I hear "the r word" more from adults than I do from kids.
My friend Nate, who is gay, says "That's so straight." And that makes me happy.
It is offensive, thats for sure.
Amen, amen, amen! And Colt, that is awesome!
Well spoken...with that in mind, however, remember that labels and words are not reality. What we say about others whether seriously or in off-handed ways does not define who they are. "Stick and stones..." might be more accurate than we originally suspected. As a retired English teacher I too love words. (A linquistic class I took was among my favorites.) But, those letters arranged in patterns are simply an attempt to express emotions and feelings. Those emotions are the part that we must analyze. Why do we FEEL that way? That is the question.
Hahaha...occasional, yeah. I just found your blog yesterday and put your link there. I'm sure you'll be moving to fav blogs:) Haha
How did you know I added your link?
It's sounds like you've chosen a rewarding career. Way to go!
Any tips are getting a 3 year old to say "drink" instead of "shrink"? I need a shrink! It makes me smile everytime.
Colt, that is awesome.
Devin & Ruthann, there are site meters and stuff like that, so I know everyone who links to me!
Jo, I know. It's more about what's behind it and why we're calling someone that, but the word still makes me antsy and want to punch someone.
Yes! We have an intern who uses this word around the office. WE WORK IN A MENTAL HEALTH FACILITY. It's not OK.
There's also a huge campaign to get awareness out about saying, "That's so gay."
That's one Amanda and I have to pound in to the kid's heads we work with. We don't allow them to say that either.
I know it sounds like a lot of PC BS, but after working with people who are hurt by those terms, for so long, it's just not OK anymore.
Ugh, I can't stand people who call other people retards.
Except in the hangover - "Ra - tards!"
Or Michael Scott - "You don’t call retarded people retards. It’s bad taste. You call your friends retards – when they’re acting retarded."
But unless you're quoting them, the word's off limits.
...Then of course there's: "Did you know that gay used to mean happy? When I was growing up it meant "lame". And now it means a man who makes love to other men. We're all homos. Homo sapiens." (The Office again)
"Retard" sometimes slips from my mouth, probably because I hear my younger brother use it so freely frequently. No excuse however, but I agree with you. It is offense and rude.
Great post. Thank you. I completely agree with you, on both the r word and using the term gay as a negative thing.
Yes, saying someone or something is "retarded" is offensive. But so is saying that someone or something is "stupid." Retarded isn't a word that is specifically designated for individuals who are handicapped or who have learning disabilities. It means "slow," right? So technically, all of us are retarded in some areas. This is just my opinion. Of course, it's not a nice thing to say but so are a lot of things that people say regularly. And most people who use the "R word" casually (like myself - sorry, its a habit) aren't using it to offend or be insensitive towards mentally or physically handicapped people. I have a nephew with Down's Syndrome and I love him to death! Of course I would never call him "retarded" (even though technically, he is mentally retarded) because it's pointing out his problem. So maybe we should stop calling others "stupid," too. Sorry to rant on my opinion...
There smiles are different because it comes with that total acceptance and love. It shows on their face. Very different from the "I'm happy today" smile.
A lot of people just don't have a very big vocabulary. No, really. Ask them to say it a different way, and they're stuck.
Kathryn, I know. I've been trying to stop saying "stupid" too. That one hasn't been successful AT ALL.
Someone sent me an email about that, and I was like, dangit, why did you bring that up? haha
Amen and Amen.
I second the "gay" thing as well.
In high school I used to say "that's so gay" all the time...then I found out my best friend was gay. I've rarely used it in the last 10 years. I probably say the "r" word too often, though. :(
Thank you for this post! Well said and I completely agree you. As for "stupid"...that is one I am currently working on - especially since my 3 year old is calling his brother stupid and I know he is getting it from his Dad and me - not easy at all.
As the parent of a mentally handicapped child I would just like to say that the phrase "thats so retarded" doesn't bother me, but you better not use it on my child. People often do a double take when they use that phrase around me because they think I will be offended. Retard only means to hold back. I will not be offended if it is used around me, as long as it is not aimed at a person.
How about the term "Nazi?"
Don't you think that might be offensive to the relatives of the six million Jews who were murdered in the Holocaust?
It might be funny when Seinfeld used it because HE'S A JEW.
Here is a story that made me cry: My coworker's 10-year-old grandson has a severe disability similar to cerebral palsy. He is in a wheelchair and can't talk. One day he and his mom and his 5-year-old brother were at the grocery store when a little boy walked past and said, "Haha, look at the retard." The 5-year-old sprang over the wheelchair, grabbed the offender, pinned him up against the shelves and said, "My brother is so cool. YOU are the retard."
I'm not sure how much that story was embellished for my enjoyment, but I thought it was amazing.
Ah, thanks for your perspective, Sarah! I was wondering what others with handicapped children would think!
(All I know is my brother, nephew, and kids I've worked with.)
Anonymous, as one of the people who've had distant relatives die in the Holocaust, I think I'm okay.
Luckily, my grandmother's parents had moved out of Poland way before WWII. I shudder to think what would've happened if they hadn't moved to Israel.
OK, and I respect that. But I think you're missing the bigger picture here. The term "Nazi" is really, REALLY offensive. Imagine if the relatives you mentioned were aware you call yourself the name of their murderers?
I know you don't mean it in an offensive way, but it makes light of a very serious and intensely painful part of history.
I don't think people who use the term "retard" or "retarded" intend to offend those with disabilities (or those who work with them). But the point of your post is that those terms are inherently offensive, whether offense is intended or not. And, you're right.
Couldn't you call yourself the "Boob Czar" or "Boob Tyrant" or "Boob Fascist"? At least those terms tone it down a notch. Just a thought.
Okay, now I have a problem. No sooner had I read your post than I was about to write about one of my favorite musicians dying. His name...Jay Retard now what?
Oh, Colt. hahaha
Anonymous, I get what you're saying. I was just pointing out that as one of those people, I'm not offended by it.
Do I kill people who have small boobs? No. Do I think the Holocaust is one of the worst events that has happened in the history of the world? YES. Believe me, I do not want to make light of such a horrific event.
I often joke saying that my grandmother (who is no longer alive) would DIE if she saw my nom de plume. I don't think she would.
Do you dislike Jerry Seinfeld for his episode? Do you think he's making light of it? I personally think it's just an entertaining exaggeration.
Seriously, I hate the Nazis more than anyone. Saying that I take the Holocaust not as seriously as I should because I have the word "Nazi" in my name is pretty much a joke. If you knew me in real life, you would know that I take the Holocaust and the horrific events that happened in WWII VERY seriously. Almost too seriously.
Besides, the whole point of my nickname is that it sounds like "The Soup Nazi"! Czar, fascist, tyrant, dictator just don't have the same ring to it. Plus, wouldn't that just be making light of dictators? At least mine has a pop culture reference.
But can't we joke about things that that have been terrible in our lives? I know I joke about bad things in my life to make myself feel better about them. It's a coping mechanism.
I just looked at this discussion, and I like how the people discuss it.
http://forums.xkcd.com/viewtopic.php?t=30746&f=25
I can see I'm not going to change your mind, so I'll stop trying.
I would point out that saying YOU are not offended by an inherently offensive term isn't really a defense to using it. I'm sure most people who use the term "retard" would say they do not find it offensive. But that's not really the point, is it.
Yeah, you won't change my mind. But you have gotten me to think about it. So thanks.
My guess is that your grandma would have a good laugh over it. She was awesome like that.
I couldn't agree with you more.
I know. I miss my grandma. And I like to think her brother and sisters in Israel would laugh too. I need to go visit them haha.
You should make that your next trip overseas! Visit them, see some of the sights. It would be awesome.
I know. I went there in 1999, but I reaaally need to go over there again! My parents have just been waiting for when the mideast is "safe." haha
I could not agree more!!! I think I've mentioned him before, but we have a cousin with special needs (Down Syndrome, and some GI issues, including Hirschsprung's), who also happens to be a wonderful boy and a huge inspiration to all of us.
Awhile ago, some other moms at school were using the word "retard", and my cousin, K., asked them to stop. She was nice about it (she's a very non-confrontational person), but she explained her own situation, and how that word had a really negative impact on her son. These women turned on her, screaming obscenities, putting her down, calling all kinds of personal insults...she was traumatized over it for days.
And when I heard that, I was like...really? Way to go for caring about someone else's point of view! They'd be singing a different tune if it were one of their kids...and that's what burns me up the most. If you only care about it when it's you, then you aren't a very good person, are you?
I think many of us grew up using that word but never realizing that it could be hurtful. I do think most people have become aware that it's no longer appropriate. I hope so! :)
When Mel Brooks was asked how he could joke about Hitler as a Jewish man. He became very serious and said "that there is nothing worse than make someone a clown who wanted more than anything to be taken seriously."
When Mel Brooks was asked how he could joke about Hitler as a Jewish man. He became very serious and said "that there is nothing worse than make someone a clown who wanted more than anything to be taken seriously."
I'm afraid I still say "gay" for "stupid." I'm trying to stop, but I've said it my whole life. Stupid me. (Refer to my newest post and commentary under the first picture...I said "gay." Oh well.) I don't, however, say "retarded," even though I'm guilty of that one as a child too. Not anymore, thank you!
I'm changing it now.
I guess I'm just stalking you! When I first saw your name I was just intrigued. I thought you might be a big supporter of mammograms or a breast cancer survivor or maybe one of those Le Leche League women who think you are killing your infant if you bottle feed and don't nurse your children until they start Kindergarten. (Okay not ALL of them are that way but A LOT of them are) I'm SO with you on the stupid thing, my 6 year old says it all the time and I'm trying to stop so he will stop. It's very eye opening when your children start to repeat what you say, like a certain swear word that starts with an S....
Thanks for the explanation. You're awesome.
Agreed with everything you said!
Although I have to admit, when my little sister (who has Williams Syndrome) calls something retarded, it makes me laugh. and high-five her.
You are my new favorite person! I just read that list of yours, the 308 things. (I promise, I read the whole thing! It was just too funny and interesting not to! Don't worry, I'm not some creepy stalker person, though :)
I really agree. I used to work in an Autistic group home and one of the guys would cry and talk to himself about someone who called him that. I will also admit that I say it, I really try not to though. Bad me. I will admit it.
I just read all the comments and I just wanted to add that I don't find "stupid" and "retarded" to be similar at all.
Retarded is used as a derogatory term to refer to someone who is acting like someone who is mentally retarded. It's not used to say, "Ugg, you're so slow." Yes, a definition of retarded means slow, but that's not what the word is used for.
There is no specific category of "stupid" people like there have been with "retarded" people. That's why "gay" has also become unacceptable.
Thanks for this post. I teach kindergartners with autism. best profession ever. (and I love my SLP, so I think it rocks you're going into this field. You're going to love it.)
The R word is almost as offensive as the F word to me.
As a mother to two mentally delayed children, I find the term 'retard' or 'retarded' highly offensive, unless it's respectfully being used to refer to a mentally retarded individual IE: a person suffering from mental retardation. It's still a medical diagnosis that is used today.
The problem is, when someone says, "That's so retarded" or "What a retard" it's not being used in a respectful way. It's being used as a slam. If it's used on someone who isn't mentally delayed, it's to compare them in a derogatory manner to someone who is. Even when a mentally delayed person isn't the official target of the slam, they are unofficially.
And it's wrong and very hurtful.
Thanks for bringing this up. You addressed it well.
Post a Comment