Most of you know I used to struggle with depression. It was (cough) depressing (cough). I used to come out of a test I did badly on and think, "Man, I'm so fat. I'm going to die alone. I'm never getting married." It was a terrible and RIDICULOUS thought process. Then I gained thirty pounds from an anti-depressant and became even more depressed. It sucked.
What's the point of this? Well, I have come a long way. I still have those down moments. You know, where I think about: my face being asymmetrical, my left arm being fatter than my right, my upper arms, my stomach, my back, my huge feet, my weird fatty cheeks, my non-existent butt, my straight-edged teeth, etc.
But then I can immediately cheer myself up because I genuinely like myself. Let me name some of the things I like about myself.
My eyes, lips, boobs, legs, height, and hair.
The fact that I sound like a really cool person on paper (even if I'm not in real life).
Like I freaking went backpacking by MYSELF in Scotland for two weeks! I wandered around Ukraine by myself for three weeks without knowing the EFFING LANGUAGE. I went to Sweden and Norway by myself. I'm getting my master's degree. I speak Spanish. I work with developmentally delayed children and adults who become disabled.
My sense of style.
My sense of humor.
My loyalty to friends.
I love that I've come so far. Five years ago, I never would have thought I could be this happy and confident. I only wish I could talk to my old therapist and be like, social anxiety is gone! Depression is gone! Panicking about flying.... STILL THERE.
I try to tell my friends and/or people who are depressed that it'll get better, but it's always hard to see that in the moment. But I'm living proof that you'll not always feel that way.
Life is good.