This is an extremely embarrassing story for me to tell. I'm only telling it here because I like to think the more you tell a story and the more people you tell it to, the funnier it gets to you. It's either telling the story or becoming anorexic. You can all laugh at me and point fingers and call me fat. It's okay. I'm over it. (sniff sniff)
Last night, the parents and I were planning on driving to Lake Tahoe to BBQ. However, I didn't want to drive because I was reading, and my dad didn't want to drive because he's lazy. Normally, I always drive when we're together because he drives about as fast as a snail. It drives me nuts. Before we left, I was chatting with Chubbs on facebook, and he said, "Hey, you should come visit the babies." So we brought our BBQ to their house. They have 3 children and 2 adults. Their table seats 6. When we come and visit, we have to bring in other chairs.
I was wearing my super cute pink dress I got at Nordstrom Rack for approximately 20 bucks. It has no sleeves and is pretty short. I was feeling hot. rawr. I had make up on, which isn't a likely occurrence in the summer. It's too hot to put make up on. (aka I get sweaty)
Chubbs and my dad barbecued while I watched Up while the babies were playing around me. (E sat in my lap while rocking on the rocking chair. It was fun.) I am a sucker for that movie haha. The food was ready, so we moved to the table. My dad got the computer chair. I got the plastic outside chair that had been sitting in the 100 degree heat for the past week. It was dirty, so I put a napkin on the chair, which was steaming. It was the hottest chair I've ever sat in. I mentioned that it was hot, boooo. (The heat must have made it weak, RIGHT?!?!?) Then we said the prayer. I got a piece of chicken and placed it on my plate. I needed a knife. Joanna got knives and placed them on the table. I grabbed one and started to eat the delicious chicken. (Trying to establish a time line here.)
I started feeling like the chair was sinking, and BAM. The chair collapsed, the legs splintering into pieces. I fell on my back, literally, with my feet in the air, still sitting in the chair. I somehow fell on my ankle first, so it was red and hurt. I started laughing and kind of crying at the same time. B came over and asked me, "DID YOU GET A BLACK EYE?!?" (He gave himself one this past week.) I said, "Um, no." I was still crying because I was laughing so hard. E started yelling, "DUWIE, ARE YOU OKAY?!? DUWIE, ARE YOU OKAY? DUWIE, ARE YOU OKAY? DUWIE, ARE YOU OKAY?" I finally had to yell, "I'm fine, E! I'm FINE!!!" I rolled out of the chair (probably exposing my spanx, tear), still laughing. I looked down at my ankle. It was red and stung a little bit.
I went and grabbed the ottoman from the rocking chair. I sat in it, all sad and dejected. I considered anorexia. I considered going to the gym for 5 hours a day while at my parents' house.
And then my sister in law said,
And then my sister in law said,
"That totally reminded me of Shallow Hal. You know, when the girl sits in the chair and breaks it and lands flat on her back?"
I said, "JOANNA, SHE WAS LIKE FOUR HUNDRED POUNDS!!!!!!!!!!" AHHHHHHHHHHHHH and breaking into sobs (but not really).
Joanna: "No, I didn't mean it that way! I just meant because you fell!"
Me: "I'M NEVER EATING AGAIN!!!!"
(Please note that my sister in law DID mean it in a comparing the whole breaking chair thing and not the whole fat thing, so no hating on her, okay?)
Gym time: Upped.
Food intake: Lowered.
Self esteem: NON-EXISTENT.