Wednesday, July 21, 2010

The Most Awkward Moment of My Life

You may be thinking, pssh, you have awkward moments every day of your life. How do you know this is the most awkward? It can't be! Let me sum this up in ONE sentence: A teacher once saw me grab my boobs in class.      

Let's move on to the story.     

Freshman year of college. I was at BYU, which is an LDS religious school. (Remember that. RELIGIOUS. CONSERVATIVE!) BYU does this weird thing where you can have all your classes with the same people your first semester. I thought that'd be nice so I could make some friends. It was nice in the beginning, but you were REALLY sick of those people by the end of the semester, let me tell you that. Anyway, I had my BFFFFs in most of my classes. We were in the group that had Psych 111. That was a fun class.... The only two things I remember from that are "placebo effect" and "hindsight bias." I use those terms in everyday conversation because I like them so much haha.

We were in class one day, bored out of our minds. This wasn't such a hot semester for me. I got all depressed, took an anti-depressant, and gained 30 pounds. It sucked. I hardly went to that class. We didn't pay attention at all. My friend (who shall remain nameless) and I drew pictures of each other. She happened to have a large butt (like a normal woman). I drew a picture of her with a ginormous butt. We laughed. She then drew a picture of me with ginormous boobs, which wasn't that far off hahaha. 

I put my hands under my boobs and bounced them while saying, "Well, when you got it, you got it." Midway through the boob bounce, I locked eyes with my professor.

His eyes got about 2 sizes bigger than normal.

He stopped lecturing.

I moved my hands.

He moved to the other side of the room.

I turned bright red.

He remained silent and didn't start lecturing.

I burst into uncontrollable nervous laughter. 

A friend on mine sitting in front of us said, "Boob Nazi, STOP LAUGHING! He thinks you're laughing at him." I said, "Um, no. He knows what I'm laughing at, and it's not at him."

I don't remember how that situation ended. I'm assuming I stopped laughing, and he started lecturing again. Then I probably ran out of class using the back door.

Two days later, I was ready to head back to class. I knew it was going to be awkward. My friends and I stopped and got some BYU creamery ice cream on the way. That ice cream is soooo good. This was back in my messier times, and I ALWAYS spilled crap on myself. I spilled cookies n cream ice cream on both of my boobs that day. I went into the bathroom to wash it off. So of course I ended up with a wet t-shirt while heading to Psych 111.

I skipped. I figured it was a better psychological move than to be tormented by that all class long.

Two months later, finals were taking place. We had a paper to turn in. I was so bored. I was tired of writing it. And I wanted to go home, so I wrote at the end of my 1 1/2 page paper (it was supposed to be 7-9): 

Dear Professor:

I'm sorry, but I am unable to finish this paper. I apologize.


Boob Nazi

And you know what?

I got an A- in the class.

I'll leave you to guess how I did so well.


blueviolet said...

You not only grabbed them, but bounced them...the horror!

Genavee said...

The end of this story, with the A- is one of the best, most hilarious ways to end an already epic story, ever.

Confessions of a Closet Hoarder but you can call me Judy said...

Yeah. That's pretty darn awkward! Ack!

Katie said...

Oh my heavens...I can only imagine! I think I probably would have never gone back to that class. Ever.

stewbert said...

Wow ... Yeah ... awkward. But I'll make note of that for when I get back to school. lol

Kristina P. said...

Even BYU professors like big boobs.

Mhana said...

As someone who grades freshmen papers for a living, allow me to provide an alternative point of view.
1) Are you quite sure he could put a name to your face /boobs? There were a couple of really obnoxious kids I would have loved to fail in lecture spring term but unfortunately I had to take an unbiased approach to their work because in the huge lecture hall I knew their faces but had no idea which papers were theirs.

2) While it may be creepy boob points, it could also just be grade inflation at its worst and most obvious. The scramble for tenure involves grubbing for student evaluations, so there is an incentive not to be known as a tough professor. Professors also really hate grading and sometimes give better grades than the student deserves because they're tired of justifying the Cs or their sick of hearing students complain. It may be that the rest of your work counterbalanced that one paper and he was generous. And you may still have been far, far better than the other students. Grades probably shouldn't be comparative, but they are. You'd be surprised how incredibly dim some freshmen are, you may well have shone like a star by comparison to the hordes of scarcely literate 18 year olds.

Do I sound like a bitter harpy? If you had read thousands of Freshman essays by native English speakers who cannot form full sentences much less make an argument, you'd be a bitter harpy too.

Awesome story though BN

Mhana said...

I messed up my they're their. Sorry. Tired.

AZ Larsens said...

Freshman Academy! I did that too. (not the boob bouncing, the Academy. haha...)

Crazy Shenanigans said...

Haha! I love that you ended up with an A in the class!

anna said...

this is awesome! i got a good laugh out of this story today. do you have more just like it?

Jamie said...

GREAT story!!

jociegal said...

HA! I love it. Good 'ol awkward moments. At least you have this story out of it!

Stephanie Faris said...

Hilarious! Hey, it worked for you. As you said: "Well, when you got it, you got it."

Julianna said...

Brains and Boobs..."How Could You Not?" get an A! -J

pook555 said...

I love this story, so embarrassing/funny, but the final grade and the unfinished paper part had me laughing so hard! I think you could put this as a new favorite post for your best of!!

Erin said...

I wonder what was going through his head (if anything besides the obvious) when he saw you?

Good job on the A-.

Amander said...

It would probably only be more embarassing if he actually thought you were coming on to him.

I had a cousin who taught at BYU for a while, and it was REMARKABLE what sweet little co-eds would say to a married professor.

ExMi said...

most awkward moment of my life?

my boss, dropping into conversation with my two BFFS, that he'd happened to have read a post i wrote about anal sex.

now *that* made me want to be un-born. seriously.

Chels... said...

Noted. Hopefully this doesn't only work with big boobs. Sigh.

Mommy Lisa said...

Okay - that is FREAKING hilarious.

Carol and Wyman said...

Oh snap! At BYU? I can only imagine. That's one of those moments where I want the floor to open up and swallow me.

For the most part, I like having big boobs. Except when I'm sitting around, bra-less, and have to lift them up and shove part of my T-shirt under them b/c the skin on skin contact is irritating. TMI? Sorries.

Simply Stephy said...

That is a great story! Thanks for letting us laugh & enjoy your embarrassing time.

You are very funny & I love your blog.

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