Sunday, January 30, 2011

One of the Most Awkward Nights of My Life

This post is reeeaally long. Let me sum it up in some bullet points. Then you can read the rest if you want.
1) I was supposed to spend Friday night at my friend's house.
2) I ended up spending it at the guy I hooked up with on NYE's house and didn't have a ride so I ended up staying until 10:30am.
3) I spilled food all over myself.
4) I fell off the couch and hurt my knee.
5) I washed my face with HAND SOAP.
6) I really needed to shower, but I didn't want to ask. Awkward.
7) He knows I blog, so he said, "Are you going to be blogging about staying the night at some random guy's house tomorrow?" hahaha (I can't remember the exact quote.) But I answered "No. That'll be Monday."
8) I fell on that same knee and wanted to die.

Now go and read the blog if you want.

Friday night was fun. My friends and I went to Thaifoon. It was freaking delicious. Yuuum. Afterward, Colt, Maggie, Natalya, my new friend, and I went to eat at a frozen yogurt place. It was delicious. My new friend lives in Provo, so he was giving me a ride down there. When I found out he was coming, I told my friend Michelle, "Hey, don't worry about driving me down to Provo. My new friend is taking me there. I'll text you later!" Little did I know, she thought that meant I was spending the night at his house now. After we left the yogurt place, I texted her, "What's your address?" She told me and then asked, "Why?" I said, "Well, I'm coming over tonight!" She wasn't there. She was out because she thought I wouldn't be staying with her that night. 

She told me she'd be home in a few hours, so I asked my friend if it was okay if I hung out at his house for a while. He said, "Course." And off we went. I kept saying, "I SWEAR I DIDN'T PLAN THIS." It totally seemed like that to me, and I didn't want him to think that. (It was just like everything kept going wrong in ways that had been pre-planned to get us alone, you know?) We hung out, blah blah blah. (Blah blah blah does NOT mean anything happened. NOTHING happened.) My friend went to sleep. I changed into a sensible t-shirt and shorts to lounge around in. At 2:30, I decided to eat my leftover sizzling beef. My friend didn't have any clean forks, so I had to eat it with a knife in the dark. I dropped it all over my shirt, of course. I had to change into skanky mcskanktop then. Michelle texted me at about 3, telling me she was going home, and I could meet her there. I was like, hmm, should I wake up my new friend and get him to take me to her house? Hmm, no. So I just decided to go to sleep.

I was sleeping on the couch. I didn't know at the time that it was a futon, so I just slept on half of it. I was on my side and trying to get onto my stomach when I fell off the couch. I screamed a little and fell onto a guitar pedal. Let me rephrase that. My KNEE hit the guitar pedal. It bruised me. It hurt. I sat there and whispered obscenities into my cupped hands. It hurt like a mofo. I'm kind of a wimp when it comes to pain. Anyway. I tried to sleep. It didn't work. I'd drunk 3 diet cokes that night because I thought I'd be hanging out with my friend all night. 

I read a book. I wrote a blog. I danced around the living room with my ipod blasting in my ears. I tried to sleep. I hit furniture by accident and yelped in pain. I even ran into the oven on my way out of the bathroom. Finally, the time came when I could get ready for the day. Unfortunately, I couldn't bring toothpaste in my carryon, so I had to find some. That made me feel uncomfortable. I found it right away, but still. Awkward. I don't like digging around in someone's medicine cabinet. It's such a violation. 

Then I had to wash my face with hand soap. HAND SOAP. I had nothing else. I looked like the creature from the black lagoon with my eyeshadow all crazy everywhere. That was fun. I've never done that before. EVER. It was disgusting. I want my Aveda or Kiehls cleansers!!

My friend was still sleeping. It was about 8:30am at this time. Michelle was going to pick me up around 9:30, so I wanted to get ready. I straightened my hair and did my makeup while listening to my ipod. She wasn't answering her phone, so I was getting all freaked out. I BARELY know this guy. We've known each other for about 6 weeks, and now I'm sleeping over and NOT LEAVING. She wasn't texting me back or responding to my calls. I was like, "I SWEAR I'M NOT MAKING THIS FRIEND UP! I HAVE FRIENDS!"

I ended up staying until 10:30. Poor guy. He was really nice about it, like, "You could stay here all day if you needed to." But I just wanted to get out of there as soon as effing possible. I'd already been there for such a long time! And I don't usually ask people for such huge favors when I barely know them. That's so not good manners. 

Michelle showed up. I had to hurry and finish getting dressed. I yelled to my friend, "Well, if you haven't had enough Boob Nazi time, you could always go to Liquid Joe's tonight! Okay byeeeeee" and ran out of there.

On my way to her car, I slipped on ice and fell on the SAME knee. It's all black and blue and painful. It was the same knee. THE SAME KNEE.

Then Michelle was so exhausted from her night that I ended up having Natalya come pick me up and take me back to SLC. Yeah. It was a pretty much ridiculous night. And yeah.

Now I'm at Natalya's house, writing this blog, trippin' on pain meds. Yeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhh (Lil' Jon yeah).


The Boob Nazi said...

Wow. I just realized how long this is.

Kristina P. said...

I wonder why you ever left Utah!

Jo said...

Wow! 1) I am so glad you are willing to share the details instead of letting us wonder. Yours was much funnier than my imagination
2)Are you ever coming back to Utah, ever again?

The Boob Nazi said...

@Jo maybe I'll come back one day. Maybe. Next time, I'll just stay in Salt Lake.

Vanessa said...

I can't believe you went to Provo.

Is he going to get kicked out of BYU now for having a girl stay at his apt? Totally an honor code violation.

The Boob Nazi said...

Let's say he goes to UVU?

Sarahf said...

Good story. It's always fnnier when someone else has a disasterous weekend. Hope the knee is getting better.

Elizabeth Downie said...

Wow, I'd be really annoyed with a friend who ditched me for the night. Sounds like a horrible night!!!

Elinda Tarra Lie said...

nice lifeeeeeeee

Crazy Shenanigans-JMO said...

Haha, wow! So did you end up seeing that guy again before you left?

The Boob Nazi said...

@JMO Nope. After I molested him with my presence, he wisely stayed away haha.

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